“Sure, we’re observers, but we’re way on one side. And I’m right behind a pole. Plus look how far the bathroom is!”
(New York, NY) In an historic move, the United Nations has upgraded the status of the Palestinian delegation from “non-member observer entity” to “non-member observer state.”
But controversy has already erupted, as Palestinian Leader Mahmoud Abbas immediately complained that the seats were “lousy” and he “couldn’t see a f***ing thing.”
“Once again the Palestinian people are being persecuted. How can we be truly observers when we’re seated all the way back here? I tried to see the guy from Argentina talking and he looked like an ant or something. And there’s a support column right in front of me. I’m constantly moving my head back and forth to see what’s going on! Then India keeps poking me from behind, which totally pisses me off.”
“Israel’s got much better seats. They’re closer. They’re in the center and they’re NOT BEHIND A POLE! I tried speaking up about this, but everyone was like ‘You’re just an observer, na na na…'”
The rubber bands allegedly fired by the Palestinians at the Israelis
The Israeli delegation countered by saying that the Palestinians were “just trouble makers” and charged them with firing projectiles at them, namely rubber bands wound around their projectiles.
“Just ignore them. You don’t want to encourage them.”
“We were minding our own business when I felt something hit my neck.” Ambassador Haim Waxman claims.
“I turned around and I noticed the Palestinians turn around real fast with dumb smiles on their faces and pretend to pay attention to the guy from Norway talking about oil tariffs. Abbas was shuffling some papers and tried to look serious, but then he cracked up and so I totally knew it was him.”
“I agree with them observing here. But put ’em in a glass booth where they can’t talk or throw anything.”
“By the way, Israel reserves the right to defend itself. We have shield system made of books. We also have accumulated a number of crumpled up papers and we’re not afraid to use them.”
