Dog Suckles Pigs

Greedy Pigs of Wall Street Suckled by Capitalist Running Dog!

Posted in Mental Videos, Weird News | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Trump Has Trouble With Putin’s Handwriting on First Day in Office.

Trump in Oval Office copying instructions from Putin

(Washington, D.C.) Donald Trump’s first day as President got off to a slow start when “The Donald” had trouble reading Vladimir Putin’s handwritten instructions.

“What the hell is this?”  he was heard to mutter.   “He couldn’t just send me tweets.  I like tweets.  Or if he could just have his people call me with instructions just like they’ve doing.  Jeez.”

Vice President Mike Pence seemed nervous at first when President Trump initially complained to him about having to read a lot of “stuff in Russian” but Trump was able to get through the directives on domestic and foreign policy after gentle reminders to “sound it out”.

 

 

 

Posted in Political Comedy, Trump | Leave a comment

Irony Abounds As Trump Labels U.S. “Laughingstock”

Trump's Hair Tries To Escape As he Prepares To Say Something Embarrassing Yet Again

Trump’s Hair Tries To Escape As he Prepares To Say Something Embarrassing Yet Again

AMES, Iowa – Donald Trump, a man who reportedly has had more people openly point and laugh at his hair than there are grains of sand on the combined beaches of Planet Earth, told NBC News on Sunday that, “We used to be the king and the queen all put together, and now we’re a laughingstock as a country.”

He soon added further layers of irony to his “laughingstock” comment when he hinted that he may run for president in 2016,”If I made a decision [to run], I’d spend a lot,” he said. Observers report he was blissfully unaware that such a successful run would surely make the initial comment instantly true.

Posted in Misc Funny Stuff | Leave a comment

Boston Priest Caught With Adult Hooker, Vatican Secretly Rejoices

Msgr Coyle Smiles Contentedly After Adult Sex - Pope Reportedly "Thrilled"

Msgr Coyle Smiles Contentedly After Adult Sex – Pope Reportedly “Thrilled”


August 6, Boston, MA – Vatican officials reportedly breathed a sigh of relief today when it was learned that Rev. Monsignor Arthur M. Coyle was arrested for paying an ADULT prostitute for sex in a car behind a cemetery. “My God, I am so damned happy,” said a Vatican official who requested anonymity. “When you hear ‘priest’ and ‘sex’ and ‘scandal’ in the same sentence, you can’t help but go there. When I heard it was an adult, I felt tears of joy.”

While police officials would not reveal the sex of the prostitute, “Frankly we were just happy that the Monsignor was with someone who had pubic hair,” said the official.

Posted in Misc Funny Stuff | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer Reportedly Distraught That Interview With Bomber’s Cat No Longer Relevant

"I Smelled Pulitzer," Blitzer Tells Friends

“I Smelled Pulitzer,” Blitzer Tells Friends

New York, NY – While publicly expressing joy over the capture of Dzhokar Tsarnaev, the remaining suspect in the Boston Marathon bombing, journalism legend Wolf Blitzer is said to be “deeply disappointed” that his interview with the suspect’s cat Fluffy will not air following the apparent closure to the case.

"The kid is a mental case,"   Fluffy allegedly told Blitzer.

“Wolf felt this would be his last best shot at a Pulitzer, and his doctor has him heavily medicated to suppress his disappointment that his groundbreaking work will never see the light of day,” said a family friend.

Posted in Misc Funny Stuff, Plankton's Blog | Leave a comment

Homicidal Maniacs Rejoice As Senate Bends Over for NRA

Better Hope He Uses Those Guns To Rob A Drug store To Get His Meds

Better Hope He Uses Those Guns To Rob A Drug Store To Get His Meds

Washington, DC – The criminally insane, end times religious fanatics and libertarians everywhere breathed a collective sigh of relief yesterday as the Senate honored the wishes of pretty much no one and shot down a proposed law that would require background checks for lots of people who probably shouldn’t be given plastic knives at McDonald’s.

“I was pretty worried there for a while,” said Bob Bennett, a 37 year old self-professed loner who receives his SSI checks at the Home for the Criminally Insane in Des Moines, Iowa. “I mean, what if someone looks at me funny and I know the only way I’ll get relief is to mow down a Little League team with a lightweight 40 millimeter six-shot revolver-type grenade launcher? What kind of fascist country would deny me my God-given right?”

Ed Matthews, a skinhead who reports that he receives messages through his television set from Sponge Bob Squarepants to “kill the evil ones” – ie, his brother’s bowling team – expressed similar relief. “When Sponge Bob tells me its “Go Time”, I can’t be waiting around for no psychological evaluation while the evil ones are plotting to destroy us over at the Beer & Bowl,” he said.

"Suck It, Newtown"

“Suck It, Newtown”

When reached at his home, NRA vice president Wayne LaPierre was too overcome with joy to speak, and instead smeared the words “We Won!” using his own feces on his naked chest and showed it to reporters.

Posted in Misc Funny Stuff, Plankton, Plankton's Blog, Political Comedy | Tagged , , | Leave a comment