Republican Delegates Puzzled by Standing Ovations

Michelle Obama Attempts to Stop Cheering Before Everyone’s Ears Explode

Republican delegates who attended last week’s RNC Convention admitted they were “stunned” by the cheering crowds and excitement at Tuesday’s Democratic Convention. “What the hell was that all about?” asked Georgia delegate Harley “Bubba” Thompson of Atlanta. “Did they have Hooters girls mud-wrestling or something? I thought conventions were supposed to be for pre-party napping – like church.”

The standing ovations for Mass. Governor Deval Patrick, San Antonio Mayor Julian Castro, and especially First Lady Michelle Obama registered a 5.2 on the local Richter scale, a sharp contrast to the “restful sleep chamber” (as it was described by one delegate) of the RNC hall last week. Venture capitalist Thurston Honeywell IVth defended the relative lack of noise and standing ovations in Tampa last week. “After a wild night of smoking meth and being pounded from behind by male prostitutes, it’s not that easy to stand up and cheer,” said Honeywell, who chairs the anti-gay group, “God Strongly Dislikes Gays”.

Daphne Bindlemeister, a hedge fund manager from Westchester, NY, and a Republican delegate, watched the DNC proceedings with a tear in her eye, told F&C, after watching Michelle Obama’s speech, “I’d probably vote for Obama – if he wasn’t a socialist Kenyan Muslim.”

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